Now is the right time
October 29, 2013
I am a little daunted by the fact that a month has gone by since the last time I wrote. I guess you could say that I've been finding my voice in a little different way over the last couple of weeks and that if I wasn't writing here I was probably working on my book which is also, obviously a priority.
History may repeat itself often however I do not think that you are destined to repeat a past of your own, or a past of your family's just because you are in fact a "product" of your past. Acclaimed to like, five hundred people is a quote that "we are the sum of all the moments of our lives". Okay not really because Thomas Wolfe wrote this in Look Homeward Angel and he is the only one who receives credit for this quote which just happens to have been repeated since by five hundred people.
I don't think you are destined... to anything you haven't made your mind up to do, because you alone are the determining factor & the best way to predict the future is to create it for yourself.
We sit in hundreds of backyards in a lifetime, restaurants on the other side of town, with old friends, drinking wine.... and we spend most of that time toying with the past and reminiscing about this and that and how it just wasn't the right time or wasn't meant to be. I'm starting to feel it's the easy way out.
I don't want to be held down. So much so that I've spent the last several years avoiding any kind of real commitment. Sure, I bought a car, I took a new job, I found a place of my own... these are all commitments but they are "me commitments". Nothing that could ever presumably hurt or affect another person in any way. I've spent the last couple of years thinking that if you are holding a hand it's holding you down, and that you're never going to experience the things you are supposed to on your own, and in your "young adult life"-but I have gradually changed what I wanted out of life.
I changed what I wanted out of life. That sounds nice, but what I'm getting at is that the people in our lives are all that really matter, the relationships you have in life. The friends, lovers, teachers, mentors, bosses... all these relationships teach you a lot about yourself and whether your realize it or not, whether I've realized it or not, I've been holding somebody's hand this whole time.
Hold a hand that brings you to life.
History may repeat itself often however I do not think that you are destined to repeat a past of your own, or a past of your family's just because you are in fact a "product" of your past. Acclaimed to like, five hundred people is a quote that "we are the sum of all the moments of our lives". Okay not really because Thomas Wolfe wrote this in Look Homeward Angel and he is the only one who receives credit for this quote which just happens to have been repeated since by five hundred people.
I don't think you are destined... to anything you haven't made your mind up to do, because you alone are the determining factor & the best way to predict the future is to create it for yourself.
We sit in hundreds of backyards in a lifetime, restaurants on the other side of town, with old friends, drinking wine.... and we spend most of that time toying with the past and reminiscing about this and that and how it just wasn't the right time or wasn't meant to be. I'm starting to feel it's the easy way out.
I don't want to be held down. So much so that I've spent the last several years avoiding any kind of real commitment. Sure, I bought a car, I took a new job, I found a place of my own... these are all commitments but they are "me commitments". Nothing that could ever presumably hurt or affect another person in any way. I've spent the last couple of years thinking that if you are holding a hand it's holding you down, and that you're never going to experience the things you are supposed to on your own, and in your "young adult life"-but I have gradually changed what I wanted out of life.
I changed what I wanted out of life. That sounds nice, but what I'm getting at is that the people in our lives are all that really matter, the relationships you have in life. The friends, lovers, teachers, mentors, bosses... all these relationships teach you a lot about yourself and whether your realize it or not, whether I've realized it or not, I've been holding somebody's hand this whole time.
Hold a hand that brings you to life.
When it's over, can I still come over?
September 30, 2013
What got me through this past weekend was a little love, an inordinate amount of espresso, 90's music the entire way and a whole lot of clutch work. I'd have to say, the miles were worth it...
The dust of June is finally settling and the weather has become a little less of a bruise around here, I am more than ready for fireside marshmallows and cold cold winter nights. Yes, I'm the only person on the planet eager for a longer winter and shorter days.
Have you ever been so scared to achieve something that you consistently hold yourself back from achieving it and if that's not the case then maybe the hand that you're holding may be the hand that's holding you down? ...Some people say you are just too afraid of failing, but is it possible that you're just afraid of what may come with the achievement, a little bit afraid of what you are capable of? It all sounds crazy right now but at this point I am more afraid of not trying.
I decided a while ago that I did not want to live (nor lead) a traditional life and that I would not be the slightest bit envious of anyone that did. Around the same time I also decided that there was nothing wrong with this...
The older I've gotten the more of a challenge this has become, for obvious and varying reasons some of which I cannot even pin point myself but mainly because time, has it's own way of throwing it all back in your face. Maybe I am let down by the challenge in itself but I'm not throwing in the towel just yet for there are many more years to come before I "let society make me feel bad about what I really want"-as a good friend of mine would say.
Do you remember when you were a kid and you could never feel defeated because you didn't even know what it was to feel defeated? Because you were just a kid, thinking about the now and wondering how long it would take to wear out your favorite pair of jeans. One minute you're just sitting in the back seat of the car pondering life, and being a "grown up" seems forever far away and almost impossible. Flash forward to what literally feels like the blink of an eye, a night's sleep or two, and you're 16... and you're sitting in the car, listening to the first song you ever listened to when you finally got your driver's license.
... I never want to be too grown up to jump into freezing cold water without any hesitation. I want to slip on ice on the sidewalk like it's the first time- every time it happens. In utter shock and more importantly I want to embrace the defeats we've all faced since then, to now.
May the lights always stay red just long enough to remember these very things.
Good night sweet world.
The dust of June is finally settling and the weather has become a little less of a bruise around here, I am more than ready for fireside marshmallows and cold cold winter nights. Yes, I'm the only person on the planet eager for a longer winter and shorter days.
Have you ever been so scared to achieve something that you consistently hold yourself back from achieving it and if that's not the case then maybe the hand that you're holding may be the hand that's holding you down? ...Some people say you are just too afraid of failing, but is it possible that you're just afraid of what may come with the achievement, a little bit afraid of what you are capable of? It all sounds crazy right now but at this point I am more afraid of not trying.
I decided a while ago that I did not want to live (nor lead) a traditional life and that I would not be the slightest bit envious of anyone that did. Around the same time I also decided that there was nothing wrong with this...
The older I've gotten the more of a challenge this has become, for obvious and varying reasons some of which I cannot even pin point myself but mainly because time, has it's own way of throwing it all back in your face. Maybe I am let down by the challenge in itself but I'm not throwing in the towel just yet for there are many more years to come before I "let society make me feel bad about what I really want"-as a good friend of mine would say.
Do you remember when you were a kid and you could never feel defeated because you didn't even know what it was to feel defeated? Because you were just a kid, thinking about the now and wondering how long it would take to wear out your favorite pair of jeans. One minute you're just sitting in the back seat of the car pondering life, and being a "grown up" seems forever far away and almost impossible. Flash forward to what literally feels like the blink of an eye, a night's sleep or two, and you're 16... and you're sitting in the car, listening to the first song you ever listened to when you finally got your driver's license.
... I never want to be too grown up to jump into freezing cold water without any hesitation. I want to slip on ice on the sidewalk like it's the first time- every time it happens. In utter shock and more importantly I want to embrace the defeats we've all faced since then, to now.
May the lights always stay red just long enough to remember these very things.
Good night sweet world.
build it simple
September 25, 2013
There is a whole lot of beauty to be found in simplicity.... next time I have the option, I'm going to build it simple.
Risky Business
September 23, 2013
I was thinking to myself over the weekend that maybe life really is what happens while we are all busy making other plans...
Someone recently reminded me that I know what I want in life- because it’s that simple right? That means a lot coming from someone else, a mere observation or at least an opinion through someone else’s eyes and it was refreshing.
I may know what I want out of life but I don’t know where I’m going and often wonder where I’ve come from…. at least what's gotten me to this point. Lately I’ve been really focused on the attempt to maintain a delicate balance between life and a career, because if you get too caught up making a living you easily forget to live- and that my friends, is not as crazy as it may sound.
It’s also been pretty amusing for me, I guess over the last year, to realize that I’m one to take a lot of risks when it comes to business and a career but not at all when it comes to life, love, relationships…. You can have a lot of successes in life, and nearly never take a risk... which is somewhat frightening.
It may be time for a change, or at least time to stop waiting for the “right” time. We can spend the rest of our lives over a trillion glasses of red wine reminiscing about how "the timing just wasn't right"or we can just let life make the next move for us. I want to look back and be extremely nostalgic for these years... and for all the right reasons.
There's me, then there's life & I'm a little tired of making decisions for the both of us.
What’s success to you?
Good Night Sweet World.
Someone recently reminded me that I know what I want in life- because it’s that simple right? That means a lot coming from someone else, a mere observation or at least an opinion through someone else’s eyes and it was refreshing.
I may know what I want out of life but I don’t know where I’m going and often wonder where I’ve come from…. at least what's gotten me to this point. Lately I’ve been really focused on the attempt to maintain a delicate balance between life and a career, because if you get too caught up making a living you easily forget to live- and that my friends, is not as crazy as it may sound.
It’s also been pretty amusing for me, I guess over the last year, to realize that I’m one to take a lot of risks when it comes to business and a career but not at all when it comes to life, love, relationships…. You can have a lot of successes in life, and nearly never take a risk... which is somewhat frightening.
It may be time for a change, or at least time to stop waiting for the “right” time. We can spend the rest of our lives over a trillion glasses of red wine reminiscing about how "the timing just wasn't right"or we can just let life make the next move for us. I want to look back and be extremely nostalgic for these years... and for all the right reasons.
There's me, then there's life & I'm a little tired of making decisions for the both of us.
What’s success to you?
Good Night Sweet World.
Under one roof
September 06, 2013
There's a point in your adult where weekends no longer become "oh my lord thank god it's the weekend" but instead- absolutely necessary.
You know you're growing up when you can't believe you have a Saturday off work and you are so thankful because all you need to do is about 6 years worth of laundry you've been putting off, go to the grocery store for the first time in weeks and spend the rest of the afternoon cleaning your house because you simply do not have time to do these things during the week because you my friend, are a grown up and there is no longer simply- enough time, in one day.
Tomorrow is this day for me and it is much needed, ...ya know at the beginning of this week I may or may not have had big plans for the weekend but now I am so grateful to be at home, for the first time in weeks and really invest and catch up in some me time.
Someday everything will fall right into place. But momentarily as the awesome, 22 year old, single lady that I am I'm about to go pick up some Tai take out and relax, in the comfort of my own home. Oh yeah it is Friday night and these kinds of Friday nights are in order in this house, which is really nice to be able to say now that I have my own place. I've really gotten comfortable with a couple different phrases by this point, including "under my roof" "well in this house" "house rules are... " & "Not in my house!"
Life is sweet right now.
Until next time sweet world. :)
You know you're growing up when you can't believe you have a Saturday off work and you are so thankful because all you need to do is about 6 years worth of laundry you've been putting off, go to the grocery store for the first time in weeks and spend the rest of the afternoon cleaning your house because you simply do not have time to do these things during the week because you my friend, are a grown up and there is no longer simply- enough time, in one day.
Tomorrow is this day for me and it is much needed, ...ya know at the beginning of this week I may or may not have had big plans for the weekend but now I am so grateful to be at home, for the first time in weeks and really invest and catch up in some me time.
Someday everything will fall right into place. But momentarily as the awesome, 22 year old, single lady that I am I'm about to go pick up some Tai take out and relax, in the comfort of my own home. Oh yeah it is Friday night and these kinds of Friday nights are in order in this house, which is really nice to be able to say now that I have my own place. I've really gotten comfortable with a couple different phrases by this point, including "under my roof" "well in this house" "house rules are... " & "Not in my house!"
Life is sweet right now.
Until next time sweet world. :)
The Bends
Do you ever have those moments in life where you decide that you should definitely forget everything that you’ve ever been told up to this point and start ALL over again- clean slate. Anyone?
…okay, just checking.
Life lessons are tough and just when you’re pretty confident you’ve learned most of them, or a good chunk of them, you are presented with a whole new set of challenges you never even knew would exist. This is what it’s all about though, and it will only get tougher.
I’ve got the most amazing people in my life, how would anyone make it through without the “amaze-balls” people that come in and out of your life from time to time? You know it’s incredible to think about all the people that come, go and stay a part of your life as you grow into the person you are… and they watch you grow and they know just what to say at just the right time, when it really matters. A good friend of mine said “Ya know, this is exactly how I wanted my twenties to be… this is how I expected my twenties to fly by, and I couldn’t have asked for it to be any other way.” I don’t know if I’m as confident as this person is to say that everything’s going exactly as expected, but I do know that everything’s playing out just as it should be and in it’s own time. ...This is it y'all.
I’ve got the most amazing people in my life, how would anyone make it through without the “amaze-balls” people that come in and out of your life from time to time? You know it’s incredible to think about all the people that come, go and stay a part of your life as you grow into the person you are… and they watch you grow and they know just what to say at just the right time, when it really matters. A good friend of mine said “Ya know, this is exactly how I wanted my twenties to be… this is how I expected my twenties to fly by, and I couldn’t have asked for it to be any other way.” I don’t know if I’m as confident as this person is to say that everything’s going exactly as expected, but I do know that everything’s playing out just as it should be and in it’s own time. ...This is it y'all.
burdens
September 04, 2013
There is a candle in my life that I keep holding up to a larger flame, I believe that it will never burn out and that my hope for it will never dwindle. I have thrown away a lot of dreams, a lot of loves and a lot of thoughts in my time. I have a lot of hopes, like always, I've let them go too.
I can't ride on faith like a lot of people can, to me faith is as weary as being toe to toe with a lover you never really got to know. I look at the world through a kaleidoscope and the trees all look the same to me, I see what I want to see most of the time which is where the truth lies- and the flow of the earth hasn't changed it's rhythms for us yet... but it will. One day.
Sometimes I need the help of my hands, but I get on my knees instead, and pray. Your Thoughts are always better than the words produced from them... So I keep to myself and cherish my every thought, even the ones about you. Winter is approaching quickly, I guess I do believe in second chances. I cross my fingers every now and then so I guess I believe in luck as well. These two things combined may be useful to some... What will you do with your luck & your second chances?
I can't ride on faith like a lot of people can, to me faith is as weary as being toe to toe with a lover you never really got to know. I look at the world through a kaleidoscope and the trees all look the same to me, I see what I want to see most of the time which is where the truth lies- and the flow of the earth hasn't changed it's rhythms for us yet... but it will. One day.
Sometimes I need the help of my hands, but I get on my knees instead, and pray. Your Thoughts are always better than the words produced from them... So I keep to myself and cherish my every thought, even the ones about you. Winter is approaching quickly, I guess I do believe in second chances. I cross my fingers every now and then so I guess I believe in luck as well. These two things combined may be useful to some... What will you do with your luck & your second chances?
92 days
August 14, 2013
As I've gotten older I've realized that there are some things in life that you just work harder for & if there's anything I've learned recently it's that when you've got something good you have got to hang on to it as long as you can.
How long can you keep this going for? & if this too shall pass then it just wasn't meant to be.
... all in good time, it all happens in good time but if you can, you must and if you can't you try.
The World that the Children Made
June 19, 2013
Feeling life at it's fullest today...
Recently I've gotten to experience many different outlooks on life.... it's like a really stiff drink, just putting everything into perspective for me all at once.
I've been thinking about Virginia lately, I sort of miss driving through the blue ridge mountains on occassion. It's like having a flashback and commiting as much of it to your memory as possible, how much can you fit into a memory anyhow? All that's important enough I suppose...
Saturday marks the day to say Good Bye. 62 days in counting.
Recently I've gotten to experience many different outlooks on life.... it's like a really stiff drink, just putting everything into perspective for me all at once.
I've been thinking about Virginia lately, I sort of miss driving through the blue ridge mountains on occassion. It's like having a flashback and commiting as much of it to your memory as possible, how much can you fit into a memory anyhow? All that's important enough I suppose...
Saturday marks the day to say Good Bye. 62 days in counting.
love is guiding me
June 11, 2013
I like to imagine my fate lying in the tall grass. Taller grass.
And I imagined the tide high
and the winters long
but the company great....
I imagine your fate going with the winds. Stronger winds.
And I imagine your passion real
and your intentions genuine
but your comforts dissolved.
My journey is exactly where it should be, and from here I can almost see the sea.
There's a signal tied to our time together. Somehow it doesn't feel real, but it feels entirely human.
I watched life twist over a bridge and appear in a later life, but I didn't let it weigh me down. I often have a lot on my mind...
I want to know what real love means, I want to sit back and see real love,
Lately.
A traveler's sleepless rest
June 05, 2013
To me, this is just an entire world that we've built on our own. & it's never to late to start it over...
May 31, 2013
Sometimes it's okay to not know what you want, to feel behind the curve and under water. This is sort of how I've been living my life lately, subconsciously though. Until now, and now I'm accepting it for what it is.... you have to try an awful lot in this world to figure out what it is that you really want but most importantly, you have to be content with the person you are, when no one else is around. The person you've become today. Once your satisfied with that, all the other pieces will fall into place. In good time sweet world, in good time.
Good night.
Good night.
Everything's changing today
May 28, 2013
I have never felt so human in my entire life... Tonight, I am grounded. Tomorrow, starts the beginning of something new.
Good women usually mean what they say...
Good women usually mean what they say...
This week on wheels
April 19, 2013
This week on wheels I am trying to keep me head up, and celebrating the relationships in my life that I cherish but often take advantage of. Cheers to the ones who really know how to make a difference in our lives. The ones that keep our heads up for us... and the ones that never forget just what it takes, to make it work.
Recently I've been doing a whole lot of soul searching, it's always been easy to remember that good things come in threes, however bad things come in threes also. Just when I think the last straw has been drawn, some kind of light glimmers from behind this crazy roller coaster ride and hence that all may turn around, soon.
Your story is what makes you who you are today... the sum of all the moments in your life up until this point make you the person you are. Some days I want to be a completely different person, just like most everybody else... but most days I am grateful for the climbs, the drops, the twists and the turns...
Building courage is easier said then done, but when it happens the climb gets greater. I want to remember the sun in my face as a kid and my shadow on the ground, and every single thing that got me where I am today... fondly.
Good Night Sweet World
Recently I've been doing a whole lot of soul searching, it's always been easy to remember that good things come in threes, however bad things come in threes also. Just when I think the last straw has been drawn, some kind of light glimmers from behind this crazy roller coaster ride and hence that all may turn around, soon.
Your story is what makes you who you are today... the sum of all the moments in your life up until this point make you the person you are. Some days I want to be a completely different person, just like most everybody else... but most days I am grateful for the climbs, the drops, the twists and the turns...
Building courage is easier said then done, but when it happens the climb gets greater. I want to remember the sun in my face as a kid and my shadow on the ground, and every single thing that got me where I am today... fondly.
Good Night Sweet World
Living in Indie City
February 26, 2013
Painters are gone and fumes are beginning to settle. Not to mention I am less than 4 minutes away from my lovely office space and can even see it through my own window.
Life in the plaza is good soul gastro lounge kinda living- indie, urban &... French ? Yes, French.
This- could change everything.
Adventures West
February 06, 2013
I arrived in Denver, Colorado Saturday night and today is my last full day exploring an amazing little town called Breckinridge and all that it has to offer. Besides the incredible mountains which are 14,000 ft up and all the beautiful ski resorts, this little town has even more to offer- cozy cafes, eclectic restaurants and a laid laid laid back lifestyle. Last night I met up with my cousin who lives in Parker, CO and we tried this little restaurant tucked away in the snow called "Ember". The most memorable part of our meal was the Sexy Lady Martini pictured below. Jalapeno infused vodka & passion fruit juice, beware of the kick.
Home
February 05, 2013
"You know that point in your life when you realize that the home you grew up in isn’t really your home anymore? And all of a sudden, even though you have a place where you put your shit, the idea of ‘home’ is gone… It just kind of happens one day and it’s gone. And you feel like you can never get it back. It’s like you feel homesick for a place that doesn’t even exist. But maybe it’s like this rite of passage, you know? And you won’t ever have that feeling again until you create a new idea of ‘home’ for yourself, for the family you start, for your kids. It’s like this cycle… Maybe that’s all a family really is; a group of people who miss the same imaginary place." – Large
deeply rooted in this one real life
January 30, 2013
Concrete and water go together in this city tonight and I'm thinking about those certain things in life that become increasingly unclear to me...
I have such wide eyes for the future, I often lose grip with the present and I commiserate deeply with the past. It seems odd to not dwell with the happenings of your past- history is deeply rooted in the now, so live a long life mirrored with memories of your past.
I've spoken of losing my mind for the sake of my heart- I am tripping now finding out what that really means. I think that the loneliest people in this world are the ones who speak the truth. The ones who are deeply rooted with compassion for life and all of it's facets.
I can write you a million words, words that are family words, words that are deeply rooted in love, the words that were never spoken, the words you were so anxiously awaiting. However the words you so anxiously awaited are the very ones lost, somewhere between my head and my heart.
Trust the words that are spun, locked in a spindle of truth for not everyone loves the one that they hold and not everyone can speak the words they are thinking.
Go the length I've gone to spend just one day loving, oh the length I'd go to spend one day writing. One day writing all those lost words.
What we build has always been bigger than the sum of two. Call it history... call it roots.
may break my bones
January 06, 2013
Sticks and stones may break my bones but ice is going to have to try again- after much deliberation it turns out my elbow is not broken, there may or may not be a hairline fracture in something called a radial head and the only thing holding me back from a triple back flip one eighty off the high dive is a few torn ligaments. I'll take it, and you will still find me snowboarding in Breckinridge, Colorado in February. There's a sigh of relief in my tone & now I really can't wait for our trip along with it's many photo opportunities.
The house hunting proceeds, cute little names like morningside drive and marianet ct are in our near future- Benson can't wait to have a "real dog's" back yard and kind of life in general I am sure.
West Elm has become my own apartment therapy reality. It all started with an apartment therapy article I read online, maybe I can find it again and post but it was full of unrealistic yet incredible concepts many from which were yours truly Anthropologie's ideas. Since I live & work at Anthro I've become the step child of West Elm... another amazing resource to make an apartment feel like a home. Let's just say Grey is on it's way-IN. Pictures soon!
This week will be rough for many more than just myself I am sure, last week was a three day week and just about wiped us off the map. Christmas and New Years break are like a cruel little sour patch kid teasing you all the way until next years Holiday season. It's immoral.
Random Tid: Best Chai tea latte to date- Green bean Coffee, Elm St. Greensboro NC.
The house hunting proceeds, cute little names like morningside drive and marianet ct are in our near future- Benson can't wait to have a "real dog's" back yard and kind of life in general I am sure.
West Elm has become my own apartment therapy reality. It all started with an apartment therapy article I read online, maybe I can find it again and post but it was full of unrealistic yet incredible concepts many from which were yours truly Anthropologie's ideas. Since I live & work at Anthro I've become the step child of West Elm... another amazing resource to make an apartment feel like a home. Let's just say Grey is on it's way-IN. Pictures soon!
This week will be rough for many more than just myself I am sure, last week was a three day week and just about wiped us off the map. Christmas and New Years break are like a cruel little sour patch kid teasing you all the way until next years Holiday season. It's immoral.
Random Tid: Best Chai tea latte to date- Green bean Coffee, Elm St. Greensboro NC.
I see it too
January 04, 2013
Recently life is just a hurricane. While everyone else is prioritizing my relationships, my job and my living quarters I am just trying to survive and the only priority I'm concerned with lately- is me. I see it being this way for a little while but during this time I have quickly realized how many amazing people there are in my life and how blessed I am to be surrounded by such an amazing support system.
I think that the end to the Holidays can be a little saddening. In the corporate world I watched Starbuck's Christmas cups walking around in people's hands turn back into plain white cups the day after new years, now it's just January and cold. However today I ran into this and it lifted my spirits a bit.
I am an anxious spectator of life- now for my own.
Good night world.
I am an anxious spectator of life- now for my own.
Good night world.
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