When it's over, can I still come over?

What got me through this past weekend was a little love, an inordinate amount of espresso, 90's music the entire way and a whole lot of clutch work. I'd have to say, the miles were worth it...

The dust of June is finally settling and the weather has become a little less of a bruise around here, I am more than ready for fireside marshmallows and cold cold winter nights. Yes, I'm the only person on the planet eager for a longer winter and shorter days.

Have you ever been so scared to achieve something that you consistently hold yourself back from achieving it and if that's not the case then maybe the hand that you're holding may be the hand that's holding you down? ...Some people say you are just too afraid of failing, but is it possible that you're just afraid of what may come with the achievement, a little bit afraid of what you are capable of? It all sounds crazy right now but at this point I am more afraid of not trying.

I decided a while ago that I did not want to live (nor lead) a traditional life and that I would not be the slightest bit envious of anyone that did. Around the same time I also decided that there was nothing wrong with this...

The older I've gotten the more of a challenge this has become, for obvious and varying reasons some of which I cannot even pin point myself but mainly because time, has it's own way of throwing it all back in your face. Maybe I am let down by the challenge in itself but I'm not throwing in the towel just yet for there are many more years to come before I "let society make me feel bad about what I really want"-as a good friend of mine would say.

Do you remember when you were a kid and you could never feel defeated because you didn't even know what it was to feel defeated? Because you were just a kid, thinking about the now and wondering how long it would take to wear out your favorite pair of jeans. One minute you're just sitting in the back seat of the car pondering life, and being a "grown up" seems forever far away and almost impossible. Flash forward to what literally feels like the blink of an eye, a night's sleep or two, and you're 16...  and you're sitting in the car, listening to the first song you ever listened to when you finally got your driver's license.

 ... I never want to be too grown up to jump into freezing cold water without any hesitation. I want to slip on ice on the sidewalk like it's the first time- every time it happens. In utter shock and more importantly I want to embrace the defeats we've all faced since then, to now.

May the lights always stay red just long enough to remember these very things.


Good night sweet world.

build it simple

There is a whole lot of beauty to be found in simplicity.... next time I have the option, I'm going to build it simple.

Risky Business

I was thinking to myself over the weekend that maybe life really is what happens while we are all busy making other plans...

Someone recently reminded me that I know what I want in life- because it’s that simple right? That means a lot coming from someone else, a mere observation or at least an opinion through someone else’s eyes and it was refreshing.

I may know what I want out of life but I don’t know where I’m going and often wonder where I’ve come from…. at least what's gotten me to this point. Lately I’ve been really focused on the attempt to maintain a delicate balance between life and a career, because if you get too caught up making a living you easily forget to live- and that my friends, is not as crazy as it may sound.

It’s also been pretty amusing for me, I guess over the last year, to realize that I’m one to take a lot of risks when it comes to business and a career but not at all when it comes to life, love, relationships….  You can have a lot of successes in life, and nearly never take a risk... which is somewhat frightening.

It may be time for a change, or at least time to stop waiting for the “right” time. We can spend the rest of our lives over a trillion glasses of red wine reminiscing about how "the timing just wasn't right"or we can just let life make the next move for us. I want to look back and be extremely nostalgic for these years... and for all the right reasons.

There's me, then there's life & I'm a little tired of making decisions for the both of us. 


What’s success to you?

Good Night Sweet World.

Under one roof

There's a point in your adult where weekends no longer become "oh my lord thank god it's the weekend" but instead- absolutely necessary.
You know you're growing up when you can't believe you have a Saturday off work and you are so thankful because all you need to do is about 6 years worth of laundry you've been putting off, go to the grocery store for the first time in weeks and spend the rest of the afternoon cleaning your house because you simply do not have time to do these things during the week because you my friend, are a grown up and there is no longer simply- enough time, in one day.

Tomorrow is this day for me and it is much needed, ...ya know at the beginning of this week I may or may not have had big plans for the weekend but now I am so grateful to be at home, for the first time in weeks and really invest and catch up in some me time.

Someday everything will fall right into place. But momentarily as the awesome, 22 year old, single lady that I am I'm about to go pick up some Tai take out and relax, in the comfort of my own home. Oh yeah it is Friday night and these kinds of Friday nights are in order in this house, which is really nice to be able to say now that I have my own place. I've really gotten comfortable with a couple different phrases by this point, including "under my roof" "well in this house" "house rules are... " & "Not in my house!"

Life is sweet right now.


Until next time sweet world. :)

The Bends

Do you ever have those moments in life where you decide that you should definitely forget everything that you’ve ever been told up to this point and start ALL over again- clean slate. Anyone?

…okay, just checking.

Life lessons are tough and just when you’re pretty confident you’ve learned most of them, or a good chunk of them, you are presented with a whole new set of challenges you never even knew would exist. This is what it’s all about though, and it will only get tougher. 

I’ve got the most amazing people in my life, how would anyone make it through without the “amaze-balls” people that come in and out of your life from time to time? You know it’s incredible to think about all the people that come, go and stay a part of your life as you grow into the person you are… and they watch you grow and they know just what to say at just the right time, when it really matters. A good friend of mine said “Ya know, this is exactly how I wanted my twenties to be… this is how I expected my twenties to fly by, and I couldn’t have asked for it to be any other way.” I don’t know if I’m as confident as this person is to say that everything’s going exactly as expected, but I do know that everything’s playing out just as it should be and in it’s own time. ...This is it y'all.                                             

burdens

There is a candle in my life that I keep holding up to a larger flame, I believe that it will never burn out and that my hope for it will never dwindle. I have thrown away a lot of dreams, a lot of loves and a lot of thoughts in my time. I have a lot of hopes, like always, I've let them go too.

I can't ride on faith like a lot of people can, to me faith is as weary as being toe to toe with a lover you never really got to know. I look at the world through a kaleidoscope and the trees all look the same to me, I see what I want to see most of the time which is where the truth lies- and the flow of the earth hasn't changed it's rhythms for us yet... but it will. One day.

Sometimes I need the help of my hands, but I get on my knees instead, and pray. Your Thoughts are always better than the words produced from them... So I keep to myself and cherish my every thought, even the ones about you. Winter is approaching quickly, I guess I do believe in second chances. I cross my fingers every now and then so I guess I believe in luck as well. These two things combined may be useful to some...  What will you do with your luck & your second chances?