something to behold

Sometimes I have to put my dreams aside for a little while because I can get so stuck in my own head. It's kind of like stumbling around in the dark, in an attic....

Do you remember being a kid and just taking it all in? All the really small and meaningless things in life? Like laying on a warm bit of pavement, slipping on ice, and sitting Indian style on the floor? When you think about the things you remember as a kid I can assure you they are simple things. I remember my grandmother in the doorway, the sound of my mother's voice on the phone, studying grass stains on my knees and how terrible it was to stand in the cold. It's amazing how little we knew when we only slept to dream...

What I have learned is that you can't put your dreams aside for long, or the monotony of these days will take you to a hollow life. I seemingly forget that a lot of the time you have to go backwards in order to move forward in life... like an arrow,  you can't go forward before being pulled backwards first. This is something I tend to think about often, the joy is in this journey yet all we can focus on is the final destination but when you look back.... I believe the journey is what will be remembered most fondly... Maybe it isn't so much about becoming anything, but unbecoming everything that isn't you.

People tell me my wisdom is older than me, but all I know is that it's neck and neck with all of my weaknesses. I can only worry about the things that I can control... and I like to keep thinking on the very simple things in life. I am my father's daughter after all, and I care about really simple things... slowing the pace, appreciating a good rain, age old trades and the people that are special to me.

The moon may just be a sliver but you can lie on your back like a child and it will always be up there. A heartache will pale in comparison to the love that came before it... but it will still take the time to heal.

Where you invest all your love, is the journey...

It's something to behold. Just something to behold.

facing the music

I'd like to think if you keep on loving life, it will always love you back. That has proven to not always be the truth... and the truth always falls heavy, and right in the middle of the room. But it's with a heavy heart that I deem it, still a nice thought.

I can't wait to be face to face and toe to toe with the future. I strive for a life lived with devoted purpose greater than itself...  Can you keep believing? Even when you are at the bottom?

Be still and know.... sometimes the world doesn't feel right.

Every city is fueled by some kind of strange undercurrent... it's thriving and we are just the tide.

In my old age I want to look back and think, I used up all those talents, everything that was given to me, is now an abandoned lot. There is no looking back.

And then how I feel most normal days...
  
"There is a reason you were born and a bunch of things you've got to do today regardless."
 -Robert Brault

Goodnight Sweet World  



 

the warmest color

Patience is something I've been working on, seemingly for a while now.

Sometimes I get caught up in things, and I can hear it in my own voice when it's important to me. I've talked about this before but being deeply rooted in the passions of your life is something to be very grateful for. These are the facets that make you who you are. It takes some people a lifetime to find something that truly drives them.... they are masked by the chaotic noise that is life, and the easiest ally to lose track of time and what you're really living for.

Every hand I've ever held has held me down in some way or another, I was always grounded by my own willingness to harmonize while never forgetting what was most important to me. I'm trying to focus on being in "the now", and not worry about the wide eyes I have for the future, or the past for that matter. I've grown kind of cold to other people's feelings on this, because seemingly I had it all figured out for myself. I do have heart strings... as much as I'd like to forget about them. We are the sum of all the moments of our lives, this is what makes up who you are today- and not being able to forget some of those moments may feel like having water in your lungs, but there are crosswinds to this. Things in life that remedy all your predispositions, change.

All the cross winds of my life remind me of what has been and what is left to be in the future... It's a small thing but when I've got no where to be and my mind's not racing itself... there is something quieting my spirit and I'm breathing a little deeper in that moment. I have to consciously remember to have an open heart for the future... because I do believe love is the warmest color we'll ever see and I will continue to believe something wonderful is always about to happen... Just another reason to work on patience.

godspeed & the greater escape

Recently I've been thinking about the very things that scare me. Or should I say, that used to scare me.

I often times find myself outlining these little rules in my head that I've made for myself.... I'll call them little but some are actually quite big. They don't apply to anyone else but myself.  ...Where does this come from? I have yet to find out. I must like some structure in my life after all.

There is a big difference between surviving and thriving but strangely enough that difference isn't always crystal clear, there's this somewhat gray area of undefined rules and expectations we have for ourselves... things that may keep us from ever really thriving.
 
There are places in this world where people truly breathe the air and feel the saltwater steam over the ocean... places where the moon has blood in it's veins and time stands untested, where there's nothing native about unrest and the best kinds of morning light never go unnoticed.

There are so many things in life that we have no answers or guidance for, in fact, that's probably the case for most of the greatest and most important things in life.... just remember that and don't let go of the vision. Don't make something work, let it work. I believe that is golden... I have the most amazing people in my life. Salt of the earth kind of people, the kind of people who figured this out so effortlessly- and God am I so grateful for them.

This is my difference between surviving and thriving. If there's one thing I've learned over the last year, it's that Today won't ever feel so long by tomorrow and if you just keep listening to your heart, it'll never lead you astray. The simplest reminder of this is like the greatest escape.


Here's to your new start, in a new life, and a new kind of morning light. Godspeed.

So this is the new year