When it's over, can I still come over?

What got me through this past weekend was a little love, an inordinate amount of espresso, 90's music the entire way and a whole lot of clutch work. I'd have to say, the miles were worth it...

The dust of June is finally settling and the weather has become a little less of a bruise around here, I am more than ready for fireside marshmallows and cold cold winter nights. Yes, I'm the only person on the planet eager for a longer winter and shorter days.

Have you ever been so scared to achieve something that you consistently hold yourself back from achieving it and if that's not the case then maybe the hand that you're holding may be the hand that's holding you down? ...Some people say you are just too afraid of failing, but is it possible that you're just afraid of what may come with the achievement, a little bit afraid of what you are capable of? It all sounds crazy right now but at this point I am more afraid of not trying.

I decided a while ago that I did not want to live (nor lead) a traditional life and that I would not be the slightest bit envious of anyone that did. Around the same time I also decided that there was nothing wrong with this...

The older I've gotten the more of a challenge this has become, for obvious and varying reasons some of which I cannot even pin point myself but mainly because time, has it's own way of throwing it all back in your face. Maybe I am let down by the challenge in itself but I'm not throwing in the towel just yet for there are many more years to come before I "let society make me feel bad about what I really want"-as a good friend of mine would say.

Do you remember when you were a kid and you could never feel defeated because you didn't even know what it was to feel defeated? Because you were just a kid, thinking about the now and wondering how long it would take to wear out your favorite pair of jeans. One minute you're just sitting in the back seat of the car pondering life, and being a "grown up" seems forever far away and almost impossible. Flash forward to what literally feels like the blink of an eye, a night's sleep or two, and you're 16...  and you're sitting in the car, listening to the first song you ever listened to when you finally got your driver's license.

 ... I never want to be too grown up to jump into freezing cold water without any hesitation. I want to slip on ice on the sidewalk like it's the first time- every time it happens. In utter shock and more importantly I want to embrace the defeats we've all faced since then, to now.

May the lights always stay red just long enough to remember these very things.


Good night sweet world.